Today is a day, I feel lost and alone
There's no place around that I could call my own
The light alludes me, as darkness draws near
There are no smiles on my face, today, no cheer
People around me, seem safe and secure
Wrapped up in their worlds, where they're loved, adored
They don't see my pain, and I'm grateful for that
'cause I paint on my smile and wear my 'happy' hat
No-one can help, with this spiral I'm on
The days that go by, when I'm lost and so alone
Even the joy on my children's faces isn't my own
As the darkness consumes me, and I feel right back at home
Wednesday 1 June 2011
Monday 30 May 2011
Fighting Back
I've had quite a long break from both blogging and social networking in general (well, dodging Facebook completely and skipping the time lines of Twitter in favour of merely replying to mentions and direct messages)
I've been very stressed what with family commitments and the wedding, fast approaching. I have also been BPD's biatch a lot recently and my Doctor and Therapist both advised me to start writing about it all again, as that did actually help a lot in the early days.
I used to write about all of the depressive crap on my Falling Starlett blog and while it kinda helped keeping things in little boxes, it also started the beginning of a downward spiral.
Looking back, having 'bouncy, happy' Kerry here and 'dark and depressed' Kerry over there, split me in two. I soon lost the buzz I initially got from blogging and ended up retracting myself from both sides of me and becoming severely reclusive. Not just in the virtual world, but in the real one too.
I have found some fantastic people over the past couple of months who have really helped open me up to the idea of being part of the world again. It's been a long and slow process and one that I couldn't have done without Drew's continuous love and support too.
I'm still trying to break back into things, trying to find my stride, my place to 'fit in'. It's going to take a while longer yet, but I'm making a start, and the first thing I'm changing, are my 'boxes'.
This blog will still firmly remain a family orientated place, but I will no longer be keeping the different sides of me separate. If and when I feel the need to rant and rave and be depressive, it will be written here instead of Falling Starlett. I want to get back into my product reviews too, I've turned down a lot recently as I just couldn't face having anything else on my To-Do list.
I'm looking forward to CyberMummy in 3 weeks time and of course my wedding, and I shall be updating you all with part 2 of 'Sneak Peek -Wedding VLog' very soon :)
I've been very stressed what with family commitments and the wedding, fast approaching. I have also been BPD's biatch a lot recently and my Doctor and Therapist both advised me to start writing about it all again, as that did actually help a lot in the early days.
I used to write about all of the depressive crap on my Falling Starlett blog and while it kinda helped keeping things in little boxes, it also started the beginning of a downward spiral.
Looking back, having 'bouncy, happy' Kerry here and 'dark and depressed' Kerry over there, split me in two. I soon lost the buzz I initially got from blogging and ended up retracting myself from both sides of me and becoming severely reclusive. Not just in the virtual world, but in the real one too.
I have found some fantastic people over the past couple of months who have really helped open me up to the idea of being part of the world again. It's been a long and slow process and one that I couldn't have done without Drew's continuous love and support too.
I'm still trying to break back into things, trying to find my stride, my place to 'fit in'. It's going to take a while longer yet, but I'm making a start, and the first thing I'm changing, are my 'boxes'.
This blog will still firmly remain a family orientated place, but I will no longer be keeping the different sides of me separate. If and when I feel the need to rant and rave and be depressive, it will be written here instead of Falling Starlett. I want to get back into my product reviews too, I've turned down a lot recently as I just couldn't face having anything else on my To-Do list.
I'm looking forward to CyberMummy in 3 weeks time and of course my wedding, and I shall be updating you all with part 2 of 'Sneak Peek -Wedding VLog' very soon :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)